The Darkside

Life shouldn’t be this hard, why do we make mistakes?  If I could change my past would I?  No I wouldn’t change a thing.  Am I happy with what I’ve done and the people I’ve hurt?  No am not happy about all the bad things I done to others, I wish I could change it for them but I can’t.  I can open my eyes and see that what I was doing was no good and realize it’s time for an awakening!  It’s time for me to stop waiting for someone to change, stop looking for love and hopping I would be happy.  I know that everyone may not appreciate or approve of who or what I am…and that’s OK.

I know who I am now, and before I got to know Jesus; I was a no-body and wanted somebody to love me.  It’s not about me any more; it’s about putting God first and loving God with all my heart.  It’s about loving others first and no blaming them for how I feel.  I was putting all my trust in others and hopping they would love me for who I was.  When others would get mad or upset with me it would really hurt me.  I wanted them to love me and no matter how hard I tried it just seamed like they didn’t like me.  How I wished they could see the real me!  I just wanted to be accepted.  What I didn’t know at the time was I had it all wrong!  I though I was doing it right but I was looking at it all wrong.  Even though I didn’t realize it at the time, it was about ME!  I wanted everyone to love ME.  Now I know it’s not about me or even if you like me!  It’s OK if no one loves me because Jesus loves me and that’s all I need.

I have begun reassessing and redefining who I am and what I really stand for.  I have learned the difference between wanting and needing and begin to discard the doctrines and values I’ve outgrown or should have never bought into to begin with.  I know that I can’t fix what I’ve done over night, but I have to try to make it up to the people I’ve hurt.  Once you have been knocked down it’s not very easy to get back up, but it’s something I have to do.  It’s not about getting even or making others feel the hurt I feel.  It’s not about pride; pride, or the loss of humility, is the root of every sin and evil.  In heaven and earth, pride, self-exaltation, is the gate and the birth, and the curse, of hell.  Honesty and integrity are not out dated ideals of a bygone era, and it’s about time I learned it and some humility too.  Humility is the only soil in which the graces root; the lack of humility is the sufficient explanation of every defect and failure. Humility is not so much a grace or virtue along with others; it is the root of all, because it alone takes the right attitude before God, and allows Him as God to do all.

1 If there be therefore any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any bowels and mercies, 2 Fulfil ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4 Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. 5 Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: 6 Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: 78 And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. 9 Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: 10 That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; 11 And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.

Phil 2:1-11 (KJV)

As I give my life over to Jesus Christ, I am given a new life and a chance to start it over.  Not very many of us get this chance or if we do, we don’t know who Jesus is.  Growing up I did believe in God but I NEVER knew who Jesus was.  I know some of you may think it’s just an easy way for me to get rid of the sins I have done.  If that’s true, then I invite you to join me finding Jesus and getting to know Jesus on a personal level.   Ask Jesus Christ to come into your life and make him your LORD and savior.

Good bless.

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