Life goes on 2/20/2010

I told my fiancee that I would start blogging more about what I am feeling and my life.  I am so in love with Julie, I just love how she can express herself even in times of difficulties.  I believe that talking about our problems and not keeping them to ourselves does help.  I love to talk/write about what is going on in my life but find it hard to find a place to start.  Plus, in the past I have not had anyone who took a interest in how I was feeling.  “Just get over it” does not help a person feel better when they are depressed.

So, how am I feeling you ask?  Oh, so, so.  I haven’t done a thing to day and feel kind of down.   I miss being with Julie and feel “safe” when I am with her.  I don’t mind being alone but when I am and get depressed, I tend to just shut down and kind of hibernate.  I am good at keeping my feelings to myself but not because I want to.   I once cared what others were thinking about me but not any more.  I know I am a good person and I have many friends who care about me.  I have made so many friends in the last year and changed my life for the better, I know they see the real me.  I am no longer fake and know it’s not about me any more.  I want the best for others and want them to know about the love and grace the Jesus gives me!  It have mad a BIG change in how I see things and how I think.  I once hated life so much that every day I would wish to die!  Now I am afraid that I will die before my work here on Earth is done.

My health is….  well, it could be better.  I have Crohn’s disease and am having some problems with it.  It’s hard for me to talk about because it’s kind of personal.  I had to go to the ER Monday night and found out that I had a infected abscess on my butt and they operated on it that night to drain it. It’s kind of painful to sit and were not sure why it happened. I have to go back in next week for procedure to find out why or what happened and what to do next.  I am so used to pain but this pain is really getting to me.  I am very scared, I can’t afford to miss any work.  I know it’s not getting any better and the only way to get rid of the pain to get get it fixed.  That means mostly a operation and some time in the hospital but if that’s what it takes, I will deal with missing work.  I just want every thing better and not to be so hard.

To morrow is Sunday and church!  My church is my family now and I love them so much!  Right now, I just don’t care nothing is making me happy (other than thinking about Julie!).  It will be ok, just how I am some times.  I want to sleep but yet am thinking about all the “if’s” in my life.  I think I will take my pain killer pills now, that will help me. LOL Right.  I could go on talking about nothing.  Who reads this any way, other than Julie and a few good friends.  To them, I say; Thanks and you are loved more that you know.  May God bless you and keep you.

One thought on “Life goes on 2/20/2010

  1. Julie

    You mean the world to me Kent. I don’t like seeing you sad and depressed, but I know that happens…as you know it happens with me too. Just take good care of yourself and the rest will follow. Do what needs to be done and let the rest go. You will always be loved by me and I know others care so much about you too.
    Loving you always….Julie

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