Life

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about how I am doing. Most of the time I don’t let others into my world and from the outside looking in, it may seam that I am doing real good. For the most part, I am but the real truth is I deal with depression and who knows, maybe I am Bipolar too! The past few weeks have been real hard on me and it’s when I am lone that I am the weekest. I have a great fioncee who I love very much and can’t wait for us to be together. I love Julie so much, she is a blessing from God! When I am with Julie I feel so safe and happy but when I am at home and alone I get very depressed. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s becuase in the back of my mind, I’m affraid that she will leave me or that I’m not good enough for her. Some times I hate what I have done with my life, and all the mistakes I’ve made.

Life is not easy right now and I am trying real hard to be there for Julie and take care of her. I want the best for her and Katey and will do what I can for them. I don’t know what to do, I feel so alone but I know they love me! Since I have become a Christian and learned about the love that Jesus offers us I have been turning my life around and making many new friends. It just seams like I never get ahead and there is always something going wrong. I have put up with things most people wouldn’t have, I don’t like to complane about what life is like, that’s why I keep most of it to myself. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this, maybe I just need to deal with it as I once was told! Yeah, I know, I live in the past too much but I’ve had people get into my head and I let them change how I think. But still, it’s how I am and I have to be able to talk about it. I hate it when I have to hold things in just because others don’t want to hear it. It makes me think I’m a bad person.

I love life and hate the way I am feeling the last few weeks! All I want is for everyone to be happy and get along. Why does that have to be so hard? Oh how I want everything to get better but all I can do is keep going and trusting in my loved ones! I don’t like being week and would rather be there for them. Well, I better stop for now, all I do is make things worse by thinking about them. To, Julie the love of my life. I love you and thank God that he has blessed us.

6 thoughts on “Life

  1. Michele

    Kent, You are one of the most positive and strong people I know. I do realize at time you hate being alone, I think we all do. But I think you have found a good place in your life right now and you sound like you have found yourself a good woman. I am really proud and happy for the both of you.
    keep God in your life and let him lead you.

  2. Julie

    i will never leave you. i am here by your side forever and for always. katey too. it doesn’t matter what happened in the past, that is just where it needs to stay. you can’t change anything about it. live today. stay in today.
    i love you with all my heart.

    1. I know you and Katey love me and it’s a blessing from God. We make a good team and I will fight for you and never give up no matter how bad things get. Thanks for all you do for me, you are the greatest!

    2. I wish you meant it but I understand. I pray you find happiness and love. You are a great person and I never meant to hurt you. I was only trying to help but I will not stand in your way any more.

      God bless you and Katey.

  3. Karen

    You know, I think you need to let it all out. Don’t stop right when the feelings get intense. That’s what I do. I get to writing and then, the feelings come and I stop. It’s healthier to let it out anyway. And you might want to talk to someone professionally if you think you struggle with depression or bipolar. Then, you can get it out safely and don’t have to worry about it going anywhere if you don’t want it to. *hugs* 😉

    1. Thanks Karen! You are right about stopping when the feelings get intense, I want to stop or after I do write about them I wonder why I let my feelings out. We hide our feelings when it comes to depression and it has to stop! It’s time we take our masks off and let the whole world see that depression is real. Hidding does us no good and all that matters is God knows who I am so I am OK with telling my story even if others may not like it. 🙂

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