It’s been a while since I’ve blogged about how I am doing. Most of the time I don’t let others into my world and from the outside looking in, it may seam that I am doing real good. For the most part, I am but the real truth is I deal with depression and who knows, maybe I am Bipolar too! The past few weeks have been real hard on me and it’s when I am lone that I am the weekest. I have a great fioncee who I love very much and can’t wait for us to be together. I love Julie so much, she is a blessing from God! When I am with Julie I feel so safe and happy but when I am at home and alone I get very depressed. I don’t know why. Maybe it’s becuase in the back of my mind, I’m affraid that she will leave me or that I’m not good enough for her. Some times I hate what I have done with my life, and all the mistakes I’ve made.
Life is not easy right now and I am trying real hard to be there for Julie and take care of her. I want the best for her and Katey and will do what I can for them. I don’t know what to do, I feel so alone but I know they love me! Since I have become a Christian and learned about the love that Jesus offers us I have been turning my life around and making many new friends. It just seams like I never get ahead and there is always something going wrong. I have put up with things most people wouldn’t have, I don’t like to complane about what life is like, that’s why I keep most of it to myself. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this, maybe I just need to deal with it as I once was told! Yeah, I know, I live in the past too much but I’ve had people get into my head and I let them change how I think. But still, it’s how I am and I have to be able to talk about it. I hate it when I have to hold things in just because others don’t want to hear it. It makes me think I’m a bad person.
I love life and hate the way I am feeling the last few weeks! All I want is for everyone to be happy and get along. Why does that have to be so hard? Oh how I want everything to get better but all I can do is keep going and trusting in my loved ones! I don’t like being week and would rather be there for them. Well, I better stop for now, all I do is make things worse by thinking about them. To, Julie the love of my life. I love you and thank God that he has blessed us.