I have been doing real good being alone. Working 50 plus hours helps to take my mind off Julie. This is the first week I have off in over 5 weeks and I sleeped all day! Went out for dinner and then back home. I have been getting things set up the way I like them, making it a home, LOL. Yesterday I asked Julie to add me as a friend on facebook again and she did but then last night she removed me. I was very hurt, I know the laptop computer I gave her is not working and I post a note that I had another power supply that should work and that she had her Dell desk top hear too. Don’t know if she’s mad that I posted that to her wall? I care very much for Julie and I hurt much more than what shows! I would have never just walked out on her like she did to me.
I don’t like giving up and I need to let go of the pain Julie has caused me but giving up without talking about her problems. She was mad that I didn’t talk about mine and it was wrong for me to put up walls. I am willing to talk, some times I talk too much and end up saying things that I don’t think over real good. I miss Julie, wish I could talk right now. I am real depressed, having some bad thoughts. I can’t kill myself but wish I could. I feel like you all would never care any way. All I herd from Julie was how bad I was for her and how unhappy I made her life.
It’s for the best that I am alone, I’m not lovable, I end up !@#$ things up any way. I DON’T CARE ANY MORE! I want to run and hide, I can’t do this any more. I have been trying so hard for so long and you just don’t see it!!!! I did all I could for Julie, I visited her as much as I could when she was in the Abby, been with her in the hospital, cried at night when I couldn’t be with her. I need someone who will love me back just a little, someone who cares about my feeling too. I have a right to be who I am, even if it’s not the best I can be at the time.