RIP Toby! You will be missed.

About 2 weeks ago, I had to do what I didn’t want to do! I had to put Toby to sleep, it was the hardest thing I have ever done but I know Toby isn’t in any pain now. He couldn’t use his back feet at all and was in so much pain. I can’t express how much Toby meant to me, his love and companionship made life bearable. I am doing ok, well it’s not easy but I know Toby wants me to be happy and life without him now is very different. I hate being alone and my cat, Pretty Kitty is loving me up but I know she misses him too.

I want to fall in love again!!! I just hate trying to date and all the games that go alone with that. I know I am worth it even with all the “baggage” I bring. I am praying that God will bring a loving woman into my life who can see the real me and let me take down the walls I have up. Life is not meant to be lived alone and now that Toby is gone, I feel more alone that I ever have and I don’t like it. I sometimes keep things to myself and I have gone too long without expressing how I am feeling. I have nothing to hide and what ever I say is how I am feeling at the time and I don’t care who knows it or what they may think about me. I’m going to say it and just let God have the control as to who will come into my life and love me for who I am.

I have a kind heart and it hurt me very much to put Toby to sleep but I know I have so much love to offer someone. If she takes the time to get to know me, she will see it, I just know better days are ahead. I owe to Toby to give it my best and to keep fighting for what I want.

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