Went to the Oncologist today for chemo education and signed up for a clinical trial. Found out that I can start chemo in 2 days instead of 2 weeks! Since I’m still on medical leave and can’t return to work until the end of October starting it 2 weeks early will help with not having to deal with the chemo and working.
Got some good info today but still feel a little overwhelmed but having my girlfriend there helps me so much! It’s just hard for me to be putting her through all this with me. It’s a blessing that she’s a RN and understands it all! It’s hard for me to be “week” being strong has all I have even known and I have been good at taking care of anything that has come along. This time I can’t go it along and I know there will be times when I am week or feeling down and wont be able to hide it. This afternoon was one of them, just felt very hopeless and sad because I am asking so much from Angela. She was busy taking care of the kids so she didn’t see me crying but she knew I was feeling down. We went to the store and got some stakes and Angela grilled them and we had a nice diner together (kids went to there dads). Then Angela went to her Bible study and I had some quiet time but I keep myself busy playing with our A/V setup until she got back.
I’m feeling a little better but still feel uneasy about the up-coming chemo on Wednesday. I have the best care team looking out for me but just don’t know how things will work out when I return to work, Not working is hard right now because the past 3 years I have work about 55 hours each week and only missed a few days each year. So going back to work will be hard until I know how strong I’ll be.