I have been doing real good being alone.  Working 50 plus hours helps to take my mind off Julie.  This is the first week I have off in over 5 weeks and I sleeped all day!  Went out for dinner and then back home.  I have been getting things set up the way I like them, making it a home, LOL.  Yesterday I asked Julie to add me as a friend on facebook again and she did but then last night she removed me.  I was very hurt, I know the laptop computer I gave her is not working and I post a note that I had another power supply that should work and that she had her Dell desk top hear too.  Don’t know if she’s mad that I posted that to her wall?  I care very much for Julie and I hurt much more than what shows!  I would have never just walked out on her like she did to me.

I don’t like giving up and I need to let go of the pain Julie has caused me but giving up without talking about her problems.  She was mad that I didn’t talk about mine  and it was wrong for me to put up walls.  I am willing to talk, some times I talk too much and end up saying things that I don’t think over real good.  I miss Julie, wish I could talk right now.  I am real depressed, having some bad thoughts.  I can’t kill myself but wish I could.  I feel like you all would never care any way.  All I herd from Julie was how bad I was for her and how unhappy I made her life. 

It’s for the best that I am alone, I’m not lovable, I end up !@#$ things up any way.  I DON’T CARE ANY MORE!  I want to run and hide,  I can’t do this any more.  I have been trying so hard for so long and you just don’t see it!!!!  I did all I could for Julie, I visited her as much as I could when she was in the Abby, been with her in the hospital, cried at night when I couldn’t be with her.  I need someone who will love me back just a little, someone who cares about my feeling too.  I have a right to be who I am, even if it’s not the best I can be at the time.

Giving Up?

Have you ever felt like giving up? Elijah did. The Lord had just used him to show the nation of Israel that the Lord is God (1 Kings 18). Yet, the threats of Queen Jezebel so alarmed him that he ran to Beersheba, 100 miles south (19:3). Then he walked another 150 miles south to Horeb, the mountain of God.

I alone am left; and they seek to take my life. —1 Kings 19:10

Twice God asked Elijah what he was doing there (vv.9,13). Both times he answered with identical words—“I alone am left; and they seek to take my life” (vv.10,14). He had become so preoccupied with his own fears that he had forgotten what God had done through him at Mount Carmel. Despite his great victory, Elijah plunged into the depths of discouragement. How easy it is for us to do the same.

God did not accept Elijah’s notice that he was quitting. Instead, He commissioned his tired servant to handle three major tasks (vv.15-17). And by the way, Elijah was wrong when he said he was the only faithful one left. God had 7,000 others who had not bowed to Baal (v.18).

Perhaps, like Elijah, you are despairing at the circumstances in your life. Let God speak to you (v.12). Instead of allowing you to quit, He will show you what you can do through His strength.

Not Enough

The writer of Ecclesiastes said that pleasure, material possessions, and even great knowledge do not bring lasting satisfaction. Jesus went even further. He said that a person who possesses everything this world has to offer but doesn’t prepare for eternity is spiritually destitute. We all need more than fun, finances, and fame to be fulfilled.

What profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and is himself destroyed or lost? (Luke 9:25 NIV)

The world in which we live has many things that appeal to us. Apart from what is sinful, we can and should enjoy its pleasures. A delicious meal graced with the good fellowship of friends warms our hearts. The beauties of nature inspire and fill us with wonder. Good music refreshes our souls. And work itself can be fulfilling.

John 4:13-14
John 4:13-14

On the last and greatest day of the Feast, Jesus stood and said in a loud voice, “If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.  Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him.”  (John 7:37-38 NIV)

Because we were created in God’s image, our lives do have meaning for both time and eternity. God made us for His glory and placed us on earth to honor Him. We have the remarkable ability to reflect on Him and on eternity.

Believing that Jesus died for our sins and rose from the grave meets our need for meaning. Salvation brings assurance that we’re forgiven. We have an eternal purpose and the hope of heaven. This is enough to bring deep peace and joy to our lives. Have you found this to be so?


I used to think it was about having all the “things”, a nice car, house, TV, Clothing, etc, but until you have lost every thing you loved in life and had to start it all over again, you have no idea what contentment is.  Until you give you life over to God and trust that he will provide you with just what you need, not want.  It’s also about control, we think we’re in control of our life’s but really we have no idea how much God loves us until we let him take over our life’s.  When you have faith that God will take care of all of your needs and give up the idea that you just have to have all the cool things in life and start to have more godly life, God will see the change in your heart and start to bless you in ways you never know.  When we live a “us” centered life we tend to fight for what we want, with little thought to does this please God.  Some times we’re eager for money that we don’t even know we are going down the wrong  path and are walking into a trap of temptation.  If you desire money more that God, some day you will find out financial gain does not last and can lead to ruin and destruction.

6But godliness with contentment is great gain. 7For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. 8But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 9People who want to get rich fall into temptation and a trap and into many foolish and harmful desires that plunge men into ruin and destruction. 10For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil. Some people, eager for money, have wandered from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.  (1 Timothy 6:6-10 NIV)

If you lead a “God” centered life and pursue righteousness, godliness and act in love and kindness and  put your hope in God, he will richly provide you with everything  you need.  It not easy giving up the control and trusting God with our life’s, but we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it.  What we do have is only on loan from God and it’s up to us on how we use what we have.  If own things to makes us better and are not willing to be generous and willing to share, we’re only living a “us” centered life and will have many griefs.  Don’t wait until you lose it all, like I do to start leading a God centered life and finding contentment.

Read what the Bible says about the love of money in 1 Timothy 6

Walk with God?

People who want to feel better, reduce stress, and shed unwanted pounds are discovering that walking may be the best exercise of all.  It’s even more important to stay spiritually fit by “walking with God,” which the Bible describes as an intimate, growing relationship with the Lord.  To walk with God, we need to keep in step without running ahead or lagging behind.  Along the way, we talk with the Lord, listen to Him, and enjoy His presence.  We trust His guidance when we cannot see what lies ahead.  It is not just the destination that’s important, but the journey we take together.

“If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.” (1 John 1:6-7 NIV)

The kind of life that Jesus lived while here on this earth is an example to each of us as to just what God is looking for.  Jesus lived a life of peace. He loved and blessed others, even those who hated Him.  He did good, healing the sick miraculously and driving demons from the minds and bodies of those who were tormented by them.  Most of all, He lived in perfect harmony with God the Father. He prayed to God.  He talked about God’s Word with others.  He listened to God speak back to Him.

Before beginning a walk with God, you must get to know Him.  There is only one way to God, and that is through Jesus Christ the Son of God. God set it up this way, and nothing you or I can do will change it.  Jesus is our Savior, and He is also our example.  As such, we must repent of our sins, telling God we are not only sorry for breaking His laws but also that we wish to turn away from the life we have lived.  Then, we ask God to forgive us of all the things we have ever done which have been contrary to His way of living.  After we ask forgiveness, we simply believe that He is Truthful when He says that He will forgive us (1 John 1:9).  Then, we confess that we believe that He is the Son of God, that God raised Him from the dead, and that He is now the King of our lives.  After you have come to know God through Jesus, you must realize that this is the beginning of a new relationship in your life.  Like any relationship, there is much to learn about this new Person.  At first you may be a bit hesitant to open up and share freely because of a fear of being rejected. That’s OK. God made you, and He understands how you feel.  He is committed to a long term relationship with you.

Since we show our love for God by obeying Him, we have to learn what His commands are.  This is really very simple to do. Start by reading the Bible, especially the four Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke and John).  Obedience is really the central part of our walk with God.  Without obedience, we cannot walk with Him at all. When we do obey His commands, His richest blessings become a natural part of our lives.  His life becomes our life, and the peace, joy, love, exuberance and hope which only Jesus can give will fill our lives.