Lookin’ for love

Tennessee Williams wrote in the Glass Menagerie, “Time is the longest distance between two places” but looking back at where I was just a few years ago seems like yesterday.   Some times I think it’s just a dream, how can someone who I can’t see, can’t touch or hear put love into my life and change me!  Being a single man wasn’t easy and even when I was married I was still “looking for love in all the wrong places” but everything I did for love just got me into trouble.

5696_105460397006_93874507006_2675602_5503512_n“I’ve spent a lifetime looking for you, Single bars and good time lovers, never true. Playing a fools game, hoping to win, Telling those sweet lies and losing again”.

It wasn’t until I lost it all that I found a friend who I could turn too.  I still remember the night I asked Jesus to come into my life, and He did.  I have never been happier, my heart is overflowing with joy and yet there are still mountains to cross but I know I am not alone any more.

“You came a’knocking at my heart’s door, You’re everything I’ve been looking for”

I know most of you don’t like “religion” and until a few years ago I was one of you!  Wikipedia describes Religion this way…

Religion is a collection of cultural systems, belief systems, and worldviews that establishes symbols that relate humanity to spirituality and, sometimes, to moral values”.

Jesus might be the symbol of being a Christian but religion has nothing to do with what happens when thing change in your life.  Religion didn’t save me, Jesus did and it’s not religion that changed my life, it’s a Relationship!

When I was alone then, no love in sight and I did everything I could to get me through the night. Don’t know where it started or where it might end I turn to a stranger, just like a friend.

You don’t have to be alone, their is a love that’s so real that nothing you can do will change your life no matter how wrong or bad it might be.  It can start today and is forever and little by little you’ll find like I did you are loved!  Jesus is no strange, He’s been waiting for you and He’s the love you’ve been dreaming of.

Alone

I have been doing real good being alone.  Working 50 plus hours helps to take my mind off Julie.  This is the first week I have off in over 5 weeks and I sleeped all day!  Went out for dinner and then back home.  I have been getting things set up the way I like them, making it a home, LOL.  Yesterday I asked Julie to add me as a friend on facebook again and she did but then last night she removed me.  I was very hurt, I know the laptop computer I gave her is not working and I post a note that I had another power supply that should work and that she had her Dell desk top hear too.  Don’t know if she’s mad that I posted that to her wall?  I care very much for Julie and I hurt much more than what shows!  I would have never just walked out on her like she did to me.

I don’t like giving up and I need to let go of the pain Julie has caused me but giving up without talking about her problems.  She was mad that I didn’t talk about mine  and it was wrong for me to put up walls.  I am willing to talk, some times I talk too much and end up saying things that I don’t think over real good.  I miss Julie, wish I could talk right now.  I am real depressed, having some bad thoughts.  I can’t kill myself but wish I could.  I feel like you all would never care any way.  All I herd from Julie was how bad I was for her and how unhappy I made her life. 

It’s for the best that I am alone, I’m not lovable, I end up !@#$ things up any way.  I DON’T CARE ANY MORE!  I want to run and hide,  I can’t do this any more.  I have been trying so hard for so long and you just don’t see it!!!!  I did all I could for Julie, I visited her as much as I could when she was in the Abby, been with her in the hospital, cried at night when I couldn’t be with her.  I need someone who will love me back just a little, someone who cares about my feeling too.  I have a right to be who I am, even if it’s not the best I can be at the time.

The love of my life (Part 2)

This is the second part of how I meet my fiancee Julie.   If you haven’t read the first part, read it hear.

I sent 10 or 12 friend request to different women that fit my search results.  I think maybe 5 or 6 of them added me as a new friend.  Of  these, Julie was one of them.  One of the things I liked about Julie’s profile was a picture that said; God Rocks.  I didn’t know much about Julie, I knew she lived near Waterloo, IA. and was going to UNI.  The other thing I really liked was Julie’s Blog, the first one I read was called “Testing”.  That was August 10, 2009 and the last thing she said in that blog was, “I feel like a failure.  I have failed her.  I have failed myself.  I don’t know what to do now.  Someone help me figure this out.  God give me wisdom to figure it out.”, and this is part of my comment I made to Julie.  “God knows who we are and we have too keep trusting in him. You are not, will never be a failure. You said it yourself, you are making progress! As you make more progress the devil will just try harder to get to you”.

That was the start of great friendship and we chatted on Facebook, on August 23, 2009 I got a email from Julie saying, “Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you today, hope you are doing well.  I admire your love for Christ,  you rock.  I hope we can get to know each other better.  I think we have a lot in common.” Our first date was October 27, 2009 it was a rainy night and we meet at a restaurant in Cedar Rapids.  After dinner we talked for a hour or more and then I walked Julie to her car and I kissed her in the rain.  That weekend Julie came down to see me and we had a great time.   8 days later after listing to Zac Brown, “Whatever it is” over and over all day on my MP3 player, I sent Julie a text message asking her to marry me.  And the rest is history, (She said YES!).

You Are The Love Of My Life

You Are The Love Of My Life – George Benson

You Are The Love Of My Life
I knew it right from the start
The moment I looked at you
You found a place in my heart

You Are The Love Of My Life
You give me reason to live
You taught me how to be strong
With you is where I belong

No one’s ever touched me
Quite the way you touched me
People search a life time
To find what we have

You Are The Love Of My Life
One thing that’s good in this life
I’ll spend the rest of my days
Just loving you

You Are The Love Of My Life
The heart and sould of my life
Once I was lost and alone
With you at last I am home

You Are The Love Of My Life
You give me reason to live
You give me so much of you
And leave me room to be free

No one’s ever touched me
Quite the way you touched me
People search a life time
To find what we have

You Are The Love Of My Life
One thing that’s good in this life
And in a world full of change
One thing I’m sure of

You Are The Love Of My Life
The one thing that makes sense in this world
I’ll spend the rest of my days
Just loving you…

You Are The Love Of My Life
And I thank GOD I’m alive
To spend my lifetime with you
You Are The Love Of My Life.

The love of my life (Part 1)

After being married for 7 years and going through a tough divorce finding the love of my life was the last thing I wanted to find.  I’ve been loved before but was it the “love of my life”, I can’t say any of the women I loved was.  I loved them all and even with a bad marriage I still though I was “loved”.  Boy was I wrong, loving someone more than they love you is not good.  It hurt trying to love someone who couldn’t be loved and knowing that I’m not getting what I needed.  Being single for over a year was the best thing for me, I learned that I could live without having someone to love me.  I tried dating for a while but think I wasn’t ready yet so I kind of put finding love on the back burner.

What changed was how I looked at dating.  In the past I was in control and had a list of what I wanted in a relation with a woman.  Since this way of finding a mate has not worked the greatest I though what not try a very different way.  Since Jesus has come into my life and saved me, I have been blessed.  Before I knew Jesus I though life was all about me and how good of a lover I was.  God changed all that, I realize it’s not all about me and thinking I am so good is wrong.  Since being saved I have been praying ever morning and ever night and some times I just talk to God.  What I did for dating didn’t work so I thought why not let God be in control of my dating.  My love for God is very strong and I am still learning so finding a mate who loves and worships God as much if not even more could be very hard to find.

I would pray at night for God to bring a lady into my life who loves you, that’s all I asked for.  I would pray,  “God, I don’t know who she is or where she is at,  just bring her into my life.  I don’t know when it will happen dear Lord but I know she is out there.  Who ever she is Lord, I will accept and love her”.  Like so many others, I have gotten hooked on Facebook and have been adding to my list of friends.  I didn’t use facebook much before being saved but since I have been going to church I use it to stay updated with my church family.  I even made a group page for my church and have made new friends both on and off facebook.  Facebook is a good way to learn about what others are doing with there faith and how God is acting in there life.  That got me to think that maybe I could do a search for women from Iowa who loved God.  I think I searched for, Single Women, God, Iowa and 35-45 years old.  The results I got  most of the time was there name and maybe a picture.  Out of the list I had, I picked maybe 10 or 12 names and sent them a friends request, some times I would include a little note about why I was asking to add them as a new friend.  Since none of them knew me at all, I was taking a chance and just wasn’t sure if this would work for finding a new friend let alone a mate.

To be continued tomorrow…..  Update, Click here to read part 2