You are loved!

This past week we had a young lady take her own life by jumping off a bridge in Iowa City onto Interstate 80 on Tuesday morning, where she was hit by a semitrailer and killed. I know what it’s like to feel so overwhelmed that you just can’t see any hope for living. Yes, I have been to that point in my life where I wanted to end it all. I felt so alone, no hope for tomorrow but that was before I found the love of Jesus Christ and my local church. I didn’t know this young beautiful lady at all but her death touched me in a way that I can’t express! That night, I just keep saying, “she didn’t have to do this” and how sad I was for her family, friends, the driver of the semi and the first responder and Law enforcement officers.

As I was on my way to church this morning, I felt God calling me to step up and talk to our congregation about what I was feeling. When we are feeling depressed, sad or what ever, we can’t go it alone and covering it up doesn’t help. I you think the person you care for knows how much you care for them, don’t just think they know! Tell them, show them ever day how much you love them no matter how bad they feel. If your dealing with depression and can talk about it, DO IT! Let’s not hide it any more, show others who are facing the same thing that they too are not alone and can come to you if they want too. Life is so wonderful, and Jesus died on the cross to give us new life and no matter what you have done or what your going through, his family of believers love you and you can trust them.

I know this is my calling to help others dealing with depression and showing them the love that Jesus Christ offers us. I am so thankful that the good Lord gave me new life and new hope so I can try to touch life’s that are hurting. Just hearing people thanks me for sharing my thoughts and experiences is nice, I hope they can take from it that it’s OK to let people see who they really are, and that’s a child of God who loves us so much that He sent his only son to die for us.

Your not alone and if you think that ending your life is all you have left, please don’t! Let me know, I will do every thing I can for you. You are loved more than you know and better days are ahead.

God bless.

Alone

I have been doing real good being alone.  Working 50 plus hours helps to take my mind off Julie.  This is the first week I have off in over 5 weeks and I sleeped all day!  Went out for dinner and then back home.  I have been getting things set up the way I like them, making it a home, LOL.  Yesterday I asked Julie to add me as a friend on facebook again and she did but then last night she removed me.  I was very hurt, I know the laptop computer I gave her is not working and I post a note that I had another power supply that should work and that she had her Dell desk top hear too.  Don’t know if she’s mad that I posted that to her wall?  I care very much for Julie and I hurt much more than what shows!  I would have never just walked out on her like she did to me.

I don’t like giving up and I need to let go of the pain Julie has caused me but giving up without talking about her problems.  She was mad that I didn’t talk about mine  and it was wrong for me to put up walls.  I am willing to talk, some times I talk too much and end up saying things that I don’t think over real good.  I miss Julie, wish I could talk right now.  I am real depressed, having some bad thoughts.  I can’t kill myself but wish I could.  I feel like you all would never care any way.  All I herd from Julie was how bad I was for her and how unhappy I made her life. 

It’s for the best that I am alone, I’m not lovable, I end up !@#$ things up any way.  I DON’T CARE ANY MORE!  I want to run and hide,  I can’t do this any more.  I have been trying so hard for so long and you just don’t see it!!!!  I did all I could for Julie, I visited her as much as I could when she was in the Abby, been with her in the hospital, cried at night when I couldn’t be with her.  I need someone who will love me back just a little, someone who cares about my feeling too.  I have a right to be who I am, even if it’s not the best I can be at the time.

Starting over

Well it’s been a week since I last saw Julie and she’s now moved to Waterloo.  I have been doing good, got a lot of work to get my apartment looking good.  Thanks God I saved most of my things, like dishes, pans, microwave etc.  Julie wanted me to get ride of them, she called it “all my junk”  but now I need it.  Got to clean it but it will come in handy.  It’s kind of quiet around here, Toby my dog is night next to me, it’s his unconditional love that keeps me going.  I have a empty spot in my heart now, I loved Julie more than she knew but I also am finding out that I am so much more that what she wanted.

I think she was holding me back and even though I miss being with her, I love my freedom.  Now I can worship the Lord any and all times.  I went to worship service list night and it was fun and went to another tonight and it ROCKED!  I am looking forward to doing more things like this and getting stronger and stronger with the word of God.  I not doing this for me as some of you may think,  God will bless me with just what I need.  I give all the praise to him and all the control too.  If I was to die tomorrow, I would die a happy man and know I’d be in his kingdom.

Life

Oh what to say,  seem like just about every thing I say is taken wrong and then if I don’t say any thing at all, it’s taken the wrong way too.  I am who I am and I know that there are a lot of wonderful people supporting me.  Yes, I’ve made some mistakes and said some things I should have never said.   I am so much more that what eyes see and it takes someone very special to “read” me.  I am so thankful for the members of my church, there love for me is so great!   I have a hard time trusting people but once I do, I really open up.

If you want to know the real me, look into my eyes.  I love talking about life but don’t ask me to be someone who I am not.  I have so much love inside of me, but I also have pain and I have a hard time letting others see it.   I’ve played the games that people like to play too much now, is it so hard just to ask me; what are you thinking? or How was your day?  I wish I could have done better, I wasn’t the best lover nor will I ever be.  All I know is that I learn from making mistakes and if others can’t forgive me and help me grow from them, then they have some learning that they need to do too.

I am so thankful for a great job that I love, yeah I wish I didn’t have to work 50+ hours each week.  Some days I don’t know how I get up at 4 AM!  There are days that I would love to just work 8 hours, I love being home and having someone to talk to.  Most people don’t know that I do all this while dealing with crohn’s disease.  After working 10-12 hours I am so tired, I have to let my body rest but yet I still want to have fun.  Getting old is not fun and working in a business that is very physically demanding is very hard on my body.

All I can say is love me as I am and if you can’t then it’s OK.  All that matter is that God knows who I am and his love is all I need.  If you don’t know me take the time and just maybe you will unlock something others couldn’t.  Sure, it’s work, but any thing worth doing is worth the work it takes to get it done.

Thanks and God bless.

Open Up to Others

Social networking is big business. Things like Facebook, e-mail, and texting reveal our hunger to connect with one another, yet many people still feel lonely. The fall of Adam and Eve usually brings to mind the disconnection that sin created between God and mankind, but it also affected all human relationships from that time onward. As a result, fear and pride threaten to keep us in bondage to isolation and self-protection.

Surprisingly, many homes, workplaces, and churches are gatherings of strangers. Even husbands and wives can live in the same house without really knowing each other. Being able to list many facts about those we live and work with is not the same as really knowing them. To some degree, whether we are known by others is our responsibility. Even the friendliest person may not be able to penetrate someone else’s self-erected walls. To be known, we must risk opening up and letting others in.

Paul pled with the Corinthians to open up to him as he had to them. Because they’d built emotional walls, their relation-ship with him and their effectiveness as a church were hindered. Of all people, believers are called to live in open honesty and accountability with one another. We cannot shut everybody out and expect to have an open relationship with God.

Relational walls can be hard to recognize. Unforgiveness, a sense of unworthiness, and fear of rejection are common reasons for self-protective barriers. Ask God to reveal any ways that you’re shutting someone out. He will help you demolish all hindrances to your relationship with Him and others.